Doughnutz
by rorynox
Summary: Quite random... quite weird.... Peach is hungry, so she eats Doughnuts! And Roy's naked... and Jigglypuff is pregnant... um, I think this will be easier if you read it yourself. D:


Hey bitches! I just wrote this story because I was really bored and I had just eaten a whole packet of doughnuts by myself (Oink). So, enjoy this extremely weird and random short-story. Please review at the end. )

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. (Although I did get a CD player for Christmas...)

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Peach sighed as she opened her eyes. Staring at the ceiling, she suddenly realised she was in bed. She slowly brought her hands up to her face and rubbed her eyes, trying to see properly before she got up to another hard day at the Smash Center.

But then she remembered, it was Saturday today! She could get up to all sorts of mischief and get away with it, because no one was going to be working and she could place the blame on anyone! Smiling to herself, she went to roll over, but shrieked as she toppled over the edge of her top bunker and fell to the hard wooden floor in a tangle of bed sheets and pillows.

"Ouuchh..." She moaned from below her pink blankets.

"Ouuchh..." cried a little voice from beneath her. Getting up, she realised she had flattened Nana.

"Oh, sorry Nana!" Peach hollered, as she bent down to pick up the deflated little pink blob. Pulling out a bicycle pump from behind her ear, Peach stuck the end in Nana's mouth and began pumping her up. When the little Ice Climber was finally back to her original state, she whacked Peach over the head with her mullet (Yes, her fish, not her mallet) and stomped out of the room. Peach screamed and threw an alarm clock at her, which walloped her in the back of the head and knocked her unconscious.

Peach put her hand over her mouth and mumbled "oops...". She stepped over the KOed Ice Climber and pelted out of the room towards the kitchen in search for food.

"Good morning, Peach!" Zelda said in cucumberish voice, as she passed through the kitchen. Peach looked up from the fridge and waved, her mouth stuffed with cheesecake from last night's dinner.

"PEACH!" Zelda screamed scornfully. "You can't eat cheesecake at seven o' clock in the morning!"

"Mwy mot?" The Princess replied, still chewing on cheesecake. Bits of crusty stuff dribbled down her mouth and bubbled at the bottom of her chin. Zelda raised an eyebrow.

"I have no idea how you got to be a Princess..." Zelda jeered, then turned on her heel and stormed through the hallway to pick on someone else.

Peach stared after her, frowned, and then turned back to the fridge, where she saw a packet of innocent, unopened doughnuts sitting on the second shelf.

"MOUGHMUTS!" She shrieked, spraying cheesecake all over the floor. She reached down and snatched up the packet, then brought it up level with her eyes. She stared at its pink-icinged, sprinkle-topped beauty and sighed. Doughnuts certainly gave cheesecake a run for its money, so Peach skipped over to the kitchen table as she tore open the plastic wrap.

"Yummies!" She giggled after she swallowed down her last mouthful of cheesecake. She was just about to clasp her grip around the prettiest looking pink doughnut when she heard footsteps coming down the hall. Not wanting to share any of her precious doughnuts, she shoved them under the table and put on an innocent smile, just as Roy came around the corner.

"Morning, Peach" Roy said. Peach's eyes went wide and her jaw dropped to the ground (like in cartoons!) as she stared at Roy.

"What?" Roy asked, confused. He stretched his arms above his head and yawned.

"Roy, where are your clothes?" Peach asked in bewilderment. Roy looked down at himself, and then squealed when he realised his clothes had jumped off his skin. He turned around and saw them running past the dorms, snickering as they went. Throwing his hands over his goods and services tax he dashed down the hall in pursuit of his beloved clothing.

Peach's gaze followed him as he raced down the hall. She turned back to face to her front, shrugged, and then pulled her delicious packet of doughnuts out from under the table.

"Oooooooh, I am SO looking forward to this..." She giggled as she rubbed her hands together. She placed her fingers around the most scrumptious looking one, brought it up to her moist lips, poked out her tongue and then... began tearing into it like she was a hyena with a dead zebra. Bits of fluffy icing and dough went flying everywhere as Peach scoffed down mouthfuls of the bakery-baked goodness, not patient enough to bother savoring the moment.

But then she stopped dead when she saw Jigglypuff staring at her.

"What... are... you... doing??" The little pink puffball asked. Peach didn't move. She had icing smeared all over her face and still had her gob full of doughnut.

"I'm... mph... mweading da mewspapar..." Peach said. Jigglypuff frowned at her, but Peach swallowed, smiled sweetly and said, "Can I help you?"

Jigglypuff drew a deep and low breath, and said, "Actually, in case you didn't notice, those DOUGHNUTS you are shoving down your cake-hole were for ME to take to my BABY SHOWER!"

Peach's eyes widened. "Jigglypuff? You're pregnant? With who?" Peach cried.

"Korbat!" Jigglypuff shouted, pointing the finger of accusation at the sobbing Neopet in the corner of the room. Peach's eyes followed to where Jigglypuff was pointing and met with the hunched-over bat sitting alone and looking absolutely horrified.

"W-w-w-why m-m-m-me??" He uttered, his eyes wide with terror. "Why must I be accursed with the horror of the inflated pink puffball? WHYYYYY!?" Suddenly, the floor beneath him opened up and he fell into a bottomless pit of doom, screaming as he tumbled through the darkness.

Jigglypuff smiled insanely as she pushed the lever back into place, closing up the trapdoor once more.

"The baby doesn't need a father, anyway." Jigglypuff said, brushing the matter away and walking over to where Peach still sat, whimpering. "Now, hand over the rest of the doughnuts, or feel my wrath..."

Peach slowly and steadily shook her head. "No. My doughnuts!" She said in a little girl's voice.

"HAND THEM OVER..." Jigglypuff growled. Still, Peach wouldn't budge. Jigglypuff drew a deep breath and inflated herself to her full extent. The sky behind her turned black, storm clouds filled the sky and burning red flames twisted and coiled behind her like writhing, bad tempered snakes. Her eyes filled with red and her mouth contorted into a fang-filled sneer.

"GIIIVEE MEEEEE THEEEEE DOUUUUUGHNUUUUUTS! NOOOOOW!!" She blared in a tumultuous and deafening roar. Peach screamed and flew out of her chair, sprinting for the cupboard in terror. She opened it up and jumped inside, curling up into a ball and wrapping her arms around her legs.

Shivering, she breathed heavily as she listened for the demonic voice of the pink Pokemon. All she could hear was a faint buzzing by her ear. Turning to her left, her eyes met with a tiny little speck of a creature, humming around in circles.

"Oh, hi Fox!" Peach said happily. "I was hoping to find someone I knew in here."

Sure enough, the little dot turned out to be a tiny version of Fox, only he was wearing a pink tutu and bearing little sparkling wings. You see, he accidentally killed Navi the fairy by running over her in a tragic steam-roller accident, so he was condemned to doing her job for of all eternity by the Great Whore of a Fairy. Fortunately for him, Link was out on a business trip (He had found a job as a male stripper and was currently in AUSTRALIA learning the ways of the wonderful nudist) and so Fox tended to just float around the Smash Center, and had slowly befriended Peach when he realised that if he was going to be a guardian fairy he may as well be a good one.

"Hi, Peach!" Fox squeaked in a high-pitched giggle. " What are you doing in the cupboard?"

"Hiding from the wrath. I stole her doughnuts." Peach said, pointing to the packet of opened doughnuts. There was only five left now. Peach almost felt her self crying when she realised she'd dropped her half-eaten one on the way to the cupboard.

"Oh, Jigglypuff again! She really likes being mean, doesn't she?" Fox said happily.

"Er... yes, she does." Peach agreed, a little baffled.

"She suuuuuuure does!"

"Yes... indeed..."

"Yep. That Jigglypuff sure knows how to be mean!"

Peach glared at Fox with ice-dagger eyes. "What the fuck is your point?" She screeched. Fox giggled madly and started doing back flips in the air.

"WAHAHAHAH AHAAO OOOOIEEO!!" Fox exploded. Literally. He blew up, spraying pink goo all over the walls and across Peach's face. Peach wiped her eye with her arm and spat out the muck in her mouth on the floor. Suddenly the cupboard doors flew open and light poured into the tiny cabinet like sewerage through drainpipes.

"AHA! I FOUND YOU!" Jigglypuff cackled as she reached a massive hand into the cupboard to pull out Peach, like a small child does to a doll she is just about to decapitate.

"Nooo!" Peach squealed as she pushed herself up against the back of the cupboard to avoid the big fat hand of evilness.

Suddenly, Roy appeared from no where in particular and poked his sword into the side of Jigglypuff's ever-so round belly, popping her instantly. There was no ooze or blood, just air. She popped like a balloon.

"Roy! You saved me!" Peach cooed in delight. She was just about to hug him when she realised he was still wearing no clothes. "Um... Roy..."

"I know, I know... I'm still naked." He said. "But does it really matter?"

Peach nodded vigorously as she shifted Roy's sword to cover his private spot.

Roy sighed. "I just like flapping in the breeze, that's all." He said, staring down at his new swordly outfit with a puzzled expression.

Peach giggled, and then looked down at her feet to see her doughnuts lying upside down on the floor. "MY PRECIOUS!" She bent down and snatched them up, jittering and giggling as she tore away the rest of the plastic wrap. She shoved a blue one into her mouth, but then stopped when she saw Roy staring at her absent-mindedly as a small line of drool trickled down his chin.

"NO! THEY'RE MINE!" Peach growled, wrapping her arms around her packet of delicious goodies. Roy started to cry.

"Oh, shut up, you big baby." Peach scoffed. "You can't even keep your clothes on."

Peach walked off and started to eat another doughnut, leaving Roy to be rugby tackled and slammed up against the wall by his runaway clothes.

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Well there you go, hope you laughed. It was completely random, I know, but it's still beautiful ain't it? Like I said, REVIEW. It will make me... so happy...


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